Like Giving Birth

[sariagray]

Ah, LAS. Well. I've made it this far? I am a bit surprised that I am still in, to be completely honest. I thought that every story was really very strong this round and GOD I'm nervous for the next. Although, this DID prompt an amusing conversation with analineblue, in which I think she decided I was nuts. :D 

Pleasantly, the next round isn't due until July 27th. I am on vacation two weeks before...so now I know what I'll be doing? ;D

Sometimes, I really feel like I came into this fandom out of nowhere, like I have no business being here, as if I were some young upstart with a penchant for trouble. Sometimes I feel like you are all the Doctor and I'm Jack, hopelessly in love and following on and so damn pleased to know you and be noticed by you. 

 

It's strange - I've taken creative writing courses on a frequent basis. Literature courses, too. I've studied writing both as a reader and a writer for years. And yet, somehow, I've learned more about writing in the past nine months of low-pressure fic writing than I  have in any classroom, with any instructor. And I  have had some amazing instructors.

 

It's not that this is my initiation into first-hand experiences. Hell, I've written collections. I've written poetry (from haiku to rhyming epics in iambic pentameter), short stories, plays, all sorts of things. 

 

But having characters that already exist, that I needn't establish beyond a name, has given me room to play. And yet, that play is confined by "reality." There is a known with these characters, behaviors that are both in and out of character. It is the perfect balance of restricting myself to truth and allowing myself freedoms that I don't normally have in original fiction. Have an example:

 

Harold Figueras woke in his flat with a splitting headache. He reached, blindly, for the bottle of water on his nightstand and, in the process, knocked over his alarm clock.

 

You have no expectations for this character. NONE. Knocking over his alarm clock may be a daily annoyance, a routine for him. His headache may come from a hangover, or maybe he's ill. He might be 56, and he may have been experiencing these headaches for the past few weeks, and now he's growing concerned. I can go anywhere with this, but part of that will have to be description (direct or indirect) of this character. 

 

Owen Harper woke in his flat with a splitting headache. He reached, blindly, for the bottle of water on his nightstand and, in the process, knocked over his alarm clock.

 

Aha! Now I do not need to tell you that Owen Harper is a doctor for a secret organization. I don't need to waste time talking about Katie, Diane, Tosh, that girl and her boyfriend in the bar, opening the rift, etc. Interestingly, depending on when this is set, you know his future in addition to his past. Everything I write about him will be referenced back to pre-existing canon. And I can still play. His headache may be alien in origin. Maybe he was out drinking, perhaps on the pull. Maybe there's someone else in his bed, someone interesting. But I'm still restrained. If I'm not going to bother attempting to write him in character, what the HELL am I doing writing about him? 

 

With this, of course, comes the caveat that I have a tailor-made audience. You're here to read Torchwood stories. You want to read them. That helps.

 

But what I'm getting at is this: because I don't have to worry about the foundation of character, I can play with things like dialog and emotions. How does an open person, full of compassion, handle tragedy? How does someone who's closed off? How do they handle love? Hate? Jealousy? Betrayal? What does someone like Rhys, a general Every Man, do when I give him a gun and an impetus and tell him that there are no consequences to his actions? What does someone like Andy, a slightly cynical man who still retains his values, do when faced with a blue police box and the concept of time travel? 

 

There is no right answer, of course, and that is the beauty of fan fiction. It allows me to play with style and yet still forces me to follow the rules. It's like stretching something to see how much pressure it can take before it snaps back and takes out your eye. 

 

It gives me room to play with the idea of showing, rather than telling. I try to avoid saying something outright. It's all in the characters actions, their words, their thoughts. Without them, there would be no story, and I need to practice - I must avoid using them like furniture, like dusty old set pieces that are covered up in white sheets when I'm done with them. When I write, they're alive and they need to be treated like living beings. I can't just tell you that Rhys is loyal. Because, quite frankly, I can just as easily tell you that I'm a very jealous woman. Unless you've seen me act like this, you're not going to know how jealous, or what prompts this jealousy, or if I'm even telling you the truth.
 

It's like the person who tells you that they're a pathological liar. 

 

So, yes. These past nine months have been filled with bright, beautiful learning. And I have learned from the people whose work I admire greatly, which is a rare and wonderful experience; you all have taught me even when you didn't realize you were doing it. I have sampled so many different styles, ideas, and thoughts and I've taken them into my repository and I continue to study them. I constantly find myself thinking about how other people use dialog, description, and detail. What resonates, what is weak, what is necessary. 
 

Really, this is like the longest running Writer's Workshop I've ever done. And I couldn't be happier. So thank you, for the lessons and the support and the encouragement. 

 

Now, back to mindlessly watching television. And/or going to bed. :) Good night, all. 

 

Comments

[sariagray.livejournal.com]

Looking back at past writing is both painful and illuminating. I can say, quite honestly, that my earlier works in this fandom occasionally leave me embarrassed, but they remain as a testament to my growth.

I think, maybe, that I've been working backwards. I started with original fiction and then managed to stumble into fan fiction. I am no good with plots or OCs, mostly because (I think, though I could be totally wrong) that I'm a poet by nature. I tend to veer away from concrete things, but I seriously admire anyone who can write plot. Especially long plots - I tend toward the brief. :D

LAS is perhaps one of my most interesting writing experiences. And I'm definitely not surprised that you're still in - you're a great writer! :D

[jolinarjackson.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Even though I really had grammar problems this time. That'll teach me to use present tense. I blame it, since it's the first time I made that many mistakes in this LAS. :(

I really liked your story in this challenge. It just didn't make the "best" vote, but I adored it.