I Need Meme Rehab

[sariagray]

Stolen from thebuttonontop  because I can and we're meme addicts. Woot. But if you always wanted to know what kind of marine life I would be, read on!

If I was a profession I'd be: If I were a profession? Well then, probably prostitution.
If I was a country I'd be: England!
If I was a ocean or body of water I'd be: The Dead Sea 
If I was a piece of candy I'd be: One of those little Dove chocolates with the little quotes/fortune/witticisms on the wrapper.
If I was a famous building or piece of architecture I'd be: Whitehall Palace or Oscar Wilde's grave.
If I was a store I'd be: Crate & Barrel
If I was a brand of shoe I'd be: Cole Haan? Maybe?
If I was a bad habit I'd be: Smoking, I suppose.
If I was a swear word I'd be: Fuck. 
If I was a ice cream flavour I'd be: Rocky Road.
If I was a disease I'd be: Narcissistic Personality Disorder. 
If I was a board game I'd be: Trivial Pursuit. 
If I was a feeling I'd be: Mischievous.
If I was a president I'd be: Lincoln.
If I was a war I'd be: The Anglo–Spanish War (1585–1604).
If I was a city I'd be: London.
If I was a celebrity I'd be: GDL. But only because I want to be him. And, yeah. I can has career?
If I was a brand of toothpaste I'd be: Tom's of Maine.
If I was a business I'd be: A non-profit.
If I was a currency I'd be: Rupees.
If I were a month, I'd be: October.
If I were a day of the week, I'd be: Thursday.
If I were a time of day, I'd be: 5am.
If I were a planet, I'd be: Venus.
If I were a sea animal, I'd be: One of those glowing ones, deep in the ocean.
If I were a direction, I'd be: North.
If I were a piece of furniture, I'd be: A chaise lounge.
If I were a sin, I'd be: All of them. But also pride.
If I were a liquid, I'd be: Ice wine.
If I were a tree, I'd be: Well, my birth-tree is a hazelnut. It means (apparently) charming, undemanding, very understanding, knows how to make an impression, active fighter for social cause, popular, moody, and capricious lover, honest, and tolerant partner, precise sense of judgment. And that suits me just fine.
If I were a bird, I'd be: A starling.
If I were a tool, I'd be: A drill.
If I were a flower/plant, I'd be: Belladonna. Or poppy.
If I were a kind of weather, I'd be: Cloudy, rainy, foggy, cold. Or snow!
If I were a musical instrument, I'd be: The piano.
If I were an animal, I'd be: A hare, I think.
If I were a vegetable, I'd be: Asparagus. 
If I were a sound, I'd be: The sound of rain.
If I were an element, I'd be: Water
If I were a car, I'd be: A luxury sedan of some sort.
If I were a song, I'd be: Ravel's Bolero.
If I were a book, I'd be: "The Garden of Eden" by Hemingway 
If I were a food, I'd be: Steak, rare as all hell.
If I were a material, I'd be: Marble.
If I were a taste, I'd be: Savoury.
If I were a word, I'd be: "Gimcrack."
If I were a body part, I'd be: Brain. Or eyes.
If I were a facial expression, I'd be: A scowl.
If I were a shape, I'd be a: Circle.
If I were a number, I'd be: 8
If I were a band, I'd be: Tool!
If I were a mythical creature, I'd be: A phoenix, probably.
If I were an appliance, I'd be: A KitchenAid mixer.