Drunk, Maybe
Jan. 18th, 2011 11:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sariagrayTitle: Drunk, Maybe
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
sariagray
Characters/Pairings: Ianto, Owen, Gwen, Tosh; Jack/Ianto, implied childish Ianto/Owen and Gwen/Tosh
Word Count: ~1500
Rating: PG13
Spoilers: Takes place post End of Days
Warning: Language. Kissing. Lots of drinking. Smoking!Ianto. Poor attempt at humor. Also, crack. Lots of crack. Some angst, too.
Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood. I do not make money off of Torchwood. In fact, it seems as though Torchwood owns and makes money off of ME. This is for entertainment purposes only.
Author’s Note: Okay, so once upon a time, Saria got drunk, listened to George Thorogood, and wrote this thing. It isn't very good. But it amused her. Then, flash forward a month or two later to this evening - Saria finds and rereads this thing. It still amuses her, so she posts it against her better judgement. Apologies.
I drink alone, yeah
With nobody else
I drink alone, yeah
With nobody else
You know when I drink alone
I prefer to be by myself
The repetitious blues beat pulsed over the persistent murmur of combined voices. He slid up to the bar and waited to be noticed. The bar was relatively empty, it being an early Wednesday evening, and he didn’t have to wait for long.
“What’ll it be, love?”
“One bourbon, one scotch, one beer.”
“Wrong song, mate,” chided a familiar voice.
Ianto turned to his left. “Owen,” he acknowledged halfheartedly. “Seemed appropriate.”
“What’s the difference?”
He turned to his right and his hopes for a quiet evening of drinking alone were crushed. “Between the songs?”
“Bourbon and scotch,” Gwen clarified as she took the stool next to him. “Aren’t they the same thing?”
Ianto felt a tentative hand on his shoulder and heard Tosh respond, “They’re both kinds of whiskeys. Bourbon has an intense color and a strong flavor which come from their predominantly corn ingredient. Scotch whisky is usually a blend of malt and grain whiskies.”
There was a moment of silence as they all blinked at the shy technician. Ianto finally broke the spell of confusion after he quickly downed his scotch.
“Who’s watching the rift?”
“I used the monitoring mechanism of the…oh, forget it.” Tosh waved a device in front of his face. “I sent the alerts here.”
“Oh. So, you followed me?”
“Er, yes?” Gwen had the decency to look sheepish. “Why’re you here by yourself, anyway?”
Ianto shrugged. “It’s been a tough week.”
“Cheers,” Owen agreed and drank down Ianto’s bourbon. He waved the bartender over again.
“Another bourbon for him, two for me, and whatever the girls want. I’ll buy this round.”
“Tosh and I’ll have beer, whatever’s on tap,” Gwen smiled politely.
“We just wanted to make sure you were all right,” Tosh said softly as she turned to Ianto. “I mean…after everything….”
“I’ll be fine.” He smiled and stood. He laughed when they all looked at him worriedly. He pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his back pocket and waved them around much as Tosh had done with her device.
“You smoke?” Gwen gasped with a horror usually reserved for finding out that one’s best friend kills puppies.
He rolled his eyes dismissively. “No, I just like to light them and watch them burn.”
“Since when?” she barreled on.
“I stopped in uni, only just started again.”
“As your doctor, I feel I should warn you that smoking kills.”
“If I live to get lung cancer, I’ll be thrilled, thanks. Hell, if I live through the month, I’ll be thrilled. I’ll be back in a minute.”
“He’s heartbroken,” Gwen diagnosed as she sipped her beer.
“Seems fine to me. There wasn’t anything between them anyway, was there?”
“There must’ve been! He’s engaging in self-destructive behaviors!”
“Working in Torchwood is a self-destructive behavior, Gwen,” Tosh gently reminded. “And I think there’s more than either of them let on.”
“Then why’d the bastard leave like that? They have a bit of a domestic or something?” Owen downed his third shot and ordered another round of beer for all of them.
The girls shrugged and finished their beers as Ianto returned, smoke and cold air clinging to his clothes like a cloying lover. Gwen thought that maybe that was the reason he started smoking again. Then she thought that she may have swallowed that last beer a bit too fast.
“Why do I have two beers?” Ianto sat down and looked at them suspiciously.
“I ordered us another round. Better drink ‘em fast. Let’s get a table.”
They grabbed their drinks and found an empty booth in which to squeeze themselves. Ianto, sat next to Owen, finished his first beer in silence and made it halfway through the second before Tosh finally spoke up, already working on her third.
“So,” she stage whispered, “you and Jack…?”
“Yes?” he stage whispered back as Gwen giggled into her own drink.
“D’you, ya know, love him?”
He shrugged. “He’s gone.”
“That’s not an answer,” Owen stated. Ianto was vaguely aware of being jealous that the doctor didn’t seem quite as drunk as the rest of them.
“But it’s true.”
“What do you call female bartenders?” Gwen asked, looking perplexed.
“Just ‘bartender’, I think,” Tosh supplied.
“Wench.” Owen suggested.
“Maid?”
“Barmaid? Really?”
Ianto shrugged. “Better than ‘wench,’ I s’pose.”
Gwen called the barperson over and ordered another round to be put on her tab.
“What’re you called?” she asked before the girl could escape.
“Emily,” the girl responded and walked away to get their order.
Turning to the rest of the table, Gwen looked at her teammates gravely. “Emily,” she repeated with an edge of awe in her voice.
“Ah,” Ianto nodded sagely and downed the last of his drink. “Jack drinks water.”
“Does he? If he dies of d’hydration, does he come back fully-hydrated?” Gwen pondered her own question for a moment.
Owen considered. “Maybe, if there’s some way for osmosis to occur?”
“But! What if he dies dehydrated in a desert? He would come back to life, be dehydrated again, and die instantly. Forever.”
Ianto looked worried. “No! He comes back perfectly fine! He must! We should find him and bring him water. He may need it.”
“We don’t have a space ship. Or a time ship. Or a whatever,” Owen reminded them between swigs.
“We could jump into the rift!” Gwen exclaimed.
“Shhhh, they can hear you.”
“Who can, Tosh?”
“The fine, upstanding cit’zens of Cardiff!”
“’S a myth,” Ianto slurred matter-of-factly. “No one here can stand up.”
“How many drinks’ve we had?” Tosh rubbed her forehead and blinked.
“Not enough,” Owen sighed and downed his most recent beverage.
“Le’s play a game!” Gwen clapped her hands together excitedly, almost knocking over her glass in the process.
“What game?” Tosh looked slightly suspicious. Or dizzy. Or both.
“Uhm. Never have I ever…?”
“Fine, you start, Ianto.”
“Ugh. Never have I ever kissed Owen.”
Tosh and Gwen shot each other sideways glances and took a drink. Owen grinned and took a drink, too.
“You kiss yourself?” Gwen asked, squinting her eyes.
“Well, no, but it wasn’t bloody fair. This game is stupid.”
“Wai’ a min’t,” Ianto interrupted, holding up his hand. “Y’mean…everone here’s kissed Owen? Should I feel left…left out?”
“Nah,” Gwen assured him. “It’s not really big…deal. ‘M sure Jack’s better.” She went to pat his arm, but only succeeded in tapping the table consolingly.
“Jack’s gone,” Ianto responded as if he’d just realized it.
“He’ll be back, mate,” Owen promised. “And what’s this about it not being a big deal?”
The girls both giggled.
“Oh!” Gwen’s eyes grew big. “Truth or dare! I’ll go first! Ianto, truth or dare?”
He figured he was fucked either way. “Dare?”
“YES! I mean, uh, I dare you to kiss Owen. On the lips. Like you mean it, too. No little pecks!”
Tosh giggled almost hysterically and Gwen joined in.
Owen gaped at them. “You’re both sick, twisted birds, you know that?”
“S’ry, Owen. I have to. Is tha rules. ‘f I don’t, I’m in trouble.”
“And Ianto can’t get in trouble,” Gwen reasoned, “’cause then Jack would spank him. You don’t like that, right? Do you? Wait, you two don’t do that, do you? You do, don’t you!”
“Just get on with it already,” Owen groused. “You’re all lucky I’m drunk.”
“You don’t look drunk,” Tosh muttered into her glass.
“That’s ‘cause I’m spinning at th’same speed as the rest of the room.”
“Ohhhh,” she nodded in understanding.
Sighing, Ianto faced Owen and leaned in. Before he got halfway there, the two men burst out laughing. The girls glared at them expectantly.
“YAN-TOE!” Gwen cried. “You hafta! If you don’t kiss Owen, Jack won’t come back.”
Ianto paled and, being drunk enough to find no fault with that logic, leaned in and captured Owen’s lips with his own. He was surprised at how much it reminded him of kissing Jack, though Owen’s lips were much softer. Like pillows. Soft, fluffy pillows. He bit down gently on Owen’s lip, drawing a sound somewhere between a whimper and a moan. He felt Owen snake a hand behind his head to pull him closer, his fingers pulling lightly at his hair. It made Ianto feel powerful, in control, in charge.
They broke away slowly, disconcertingly dizzy, and glanced at the girls. They were staring bug-eyed and slack-jawed.
“My turn!” Ianto grinned. “Tosh! Truth or dare?”
“Er, dare?”
“Perfect. I dare you to make out with Gwen.”
“What?! What, are we twelve?” Gwen asked astonished.
Owen grinned and stuck his tongue out at her. “You started it!”
----
The Next Morning
(Ianto has entered the conversation)
(Gwen has entered the conversation)
Ianto: Good. You’re up. I take it you got home okay. Can you please explain to me why one Dr Owen Harper is currently taking up residence in my bed? Completely naked, I might add.
Gwen: Hi.
Gwen: Are you naked too?
Ianto: Not anymore. Why?
Gwen: Come out to your living room in five minutes. Tosh and I are just getting dressed and we’ll try to explain it to you if you make us some coffee first.
Ianto: What!? Please tell me there is a perfectly logical explanation for all of this.
Gwen: Five minutes. And bring some painkillers, too.
(Gwen has exited the conversation)
The End.
Author:
sariagray Characters/Pairings: Ianto, Owen, Gwen, Tosh; Jack/Ianto, implied childish Ianto/Owen and Gwen/Tosh
Word Count: ~1500
Rating: PG13
Spoilers: Takes place post End of Days
Warning: Language. Kissing. Lots of drinking. Smoking!Ianto. Poor attempt at humor. Also, crack. Lots of crack. Some angst, too.
Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood. I do not make money off of Torchwood. In fact, it seems as though Torchwood owns and makes money off of ME. This is for entertainment purposes only.
Author’s Note: Okay, so once upon a time, Saria got drunk, listened to George Thorogood, and wrote this thing. It isn't very good. But it amused her. Then, flash forward a month or two later to this evening - Saria finds and rereads this thing. It still amuses her, so she posts it against her better judgement. Apologies.
Drunk, Maybe
I drink alone, yeah
With nobody else
I drink alone, yeah
With nobody else
You know when I drink alone
I prefer to be by myself
The repetitious blues beat pulsed over the persistent murmur of combined voices. He slid up to the bar and waited to be noticed. The bar was relatively empty, it being an early Wednesday evening, and he didn’t have to wait for long.
“What’ll it be, love?”
“One bourbon, one scotch, one beer.”
“Wrong song, mate,” chided a familiar voice.
Ianto turned to his left. “Owen,” he acknowledged halfheartedly. “Seemed appropriate.”
“What’s the difference?”
He turned to his right and his hopes for a quiet evening of drinking alone were crushed. “Between the songs?”
“Bourbon and scotch,” Gwen clarified as she took the stool next to him. “Aren’t they the same thing?”
Ianto felt a tentative hand on his shoulder and heard Tosh respond, “They’re both kinds of whiskeys. Bourbon has an intense color and a strong flavor which come from their predominantly corn ingredient. Scotch whisky is usually a blend of malt and grain whiskies.”
There was a moment of silence as they all blinked at the shy technician. Ianto finally broke the spell of confusion after he quickly downed his scotch.
“Who’s watching the rift?”
“I used the monitoring mechanism of the…oh, forget it.” Tosh waved a device in front of his face. “I sent the alerts here.”
“Oh. So, you followed me?”
“Er, yes?” Gwen had the decency to look sheepish. “Why’re you here by yourself, anyway?”
Ianto shrugged. “It’s been a tough week.”
“Cheers,” Owen agreed and drank down Ianto’s bourbon. He waved the bartender over again.
“Another bourbon for him, two for me, and whatever the girls want. I’ll buy this round.”
“Tosh and I’ll have beer, whatever’s on tap,” Gwen smiled politely.
“We just wanted to make sure you were all right,” Tosh said softly as she turned to Ianto. “I mean…after everything….”
“I’ll be fine.” He smiled and stood. He laughed when they all looked at him worriedly. He pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his back pocket and waved them around much as Tosh had done with her device.
“You smoke?” Gwen gasped with a horror usually reserved for finding out that one’s best friend kills puppies.
He rolled his eyes dismissively. “No, I just like to light them and watch them burn.”
“Since when?” she barreled on.
“I stopped in uni, only just started again.”
“As your doctor, I feel I should warn you that smoking kills.”
“If I live to get lung cancer, I’ll be thrilled, thanks. Hell, if I live through the month, I’ll be thrilled. I’ll be back in a minute.”
“He’s heartbroken,” Gwen diagnosed as she sipped her beer.
“Seems fine to me. There wasn’t anything between them anyway, was there?”
“There must’ve been! He’s engaging in self-destructive behaviors!”
“Working in Torchwood is a self-destructive behavior, Gwen,” Tosh gently reminded. “And I think there’s more than either of them let on.”
“Then why’d the bastard leave like that? They have a bit of a domestic or something?” Owen downed his third shot and ordered another round of beer for all of them.
The girls shrugged and finished their beers as Ianto returned, smoke and cold air clinging to his clothes like a cloying lover. Gwen thought that maybe that was the reason he started smoking again. Then she thought that she may have swallowed that last beer a bit too fast.
“Why do I have two beers?” Ianto sat down and looked at them suspiciously.
“I ordered us another round. Better drink ‘em fast. Let’s get a table.”
They grabbed their drinks and found an empty booth in which to squeeze themselves. Ianto, sat next to Owen, finished his first beer in silence and made it halfway through the second before Tosh finally spoke up, already working on her third.
“So,” she stage whispered, “you and Jack…?”
“Yes?” he stage whispered back as Gwen giggled into her own drink.
“D’you, ya know, love him?”
He shrugged. “He’s gone.”
“That’s not an answer,” Owen stated. Ianto was vaguely aware of being jealous that the doctor didn’t seem quite as drunk as the rest of them.
“But it’s true.”
“What do you call female bartenders?” Gwen asked, looking perplexed.
“Just ‘bartender’, I think,” Tosh supplied.
“Wench.” Owen suggested.
“Maid?”
“Barmaid? Really?”
Ianto shrugged. “Better than ‘wench,’ I s’pose.”
Gwen called the barperson over and ordered another round to be put on her tab.
“What’re you called?” she asked before the girl could escape.
“Emily,” the girl responded and walked away to get their order.
Turning to the rest of the table, Gwen looked at her teammates gravely. “Emily,” she repeated with an edge of awe in her voice.
“Ah,” Ianto nodded sagely and downed the last of his drink. “Jack drinks water.”
“Does he? If he dies of d’hydration, does he come back fully-hydrated?” Gwen pondered her own question for a moment.
Owen considered. “Maybe, if there’s some way for osmosis to occur?”
“But! What if he dies dehydrated in a desert? He would come back to life, be dehydrated again, and die instantly. Forever.”
Ianto looked worried. “No! He comes back perfectly fine! He must! We should find him and bring him water. He may need it.”
“We don’t have a space ship. Or a time ship. Or a whatever,” Owen reminded them between swigs.
“We could jump into the rift!” Gwen exclaimed.
“Shhhh, they can hear you.”
“Who can, Tosh?”
“The fine, upstanding cit’zens of Cardiff!”
“’S a myth,” Ianto slurred matter-of-factly. “No one here can stand up.”
“How many drinks’ve we had?” Tosh rubbed her forehead and blinked.
“Not enough,” Owen sighed and downed his most recent beverage.
“Le’s play a game!” Gwen clapped her hands together excitedly, almost knocking over her glass in the process.
“What game?” Tosh looked slightly suspicious. Or dizzy. Or both.
“Uhm. Never have I ever…?”
“Fine, you start, Ianto.”
“Ugh. Never have I ever kissed Owen.”
Tosh and Gwen shot each other sideways glances and took a drink. Owen grinned and took a drink, too.
“You kiss yourself?” Gwen asked, squinting her eyes.
“Well, no, but it wasn’t bloody fair. This game is stupid.”
“Wai’ a min’t,” Ianto interrupted, holding up his hand. “Y’mean…everone here’s kissed Owen? Should I feel left…left out?”
“Nah,” Gwen assured him. “It’s not really big…deal. ‘M sure Jack’s better.” She went to pat his arm, but only succeeded in tapping the table consolingly.
“Jack’s gone,” Ianto responded as if he’d just realized it.
“He’ll be back, mate,” Owen promised. “And what’s this about it not being a big deal?”
The girls both giggled.
“Oh!” Gwen’s eyes grew big. “Truth or dare! I’ll go first! Ianto, truth or dare?”
He figured he was fucked either way. “Dare?”
“YES! I mean, uh, I dare you to kiss Owen. On the lips. Like you mean it, too. No little pecks!”
Tosh giggled almost hysterically and Gwen joined in.
Owen gaped at them. “You’re both sick, twisted birds, you know that?”
“S’ry, Owen. I have to. Is tha rules. ‘f I don’t, I’m in trouble.”
“And Ianto can’t get in trouble,” Gwen reasoned, “’cause then Jack would spank him. You don’t like that, right? Do you? Wait, you two don’t do that, do you? You do, don’t you!”
“Just get on with it already,” Owen groused. “You’re all lucky I’m drunk.”
“You don’t look drunk,” Tosh muttered into her glass.
“That’s ‘cause I’m spinning at th’same speed as the rest of the room.”
“Ohhhh,” she nodded in understanding.
Sighing, Ianto faced Owen and leaned in. Before he got halfway there, the two men burst out laughing. The girls glared at them expectantly.
“YAN-TOE!” Gwen cried. “You hafta! If you don’t kiss Owen, Jack won’t come back.”
Ianto paled and, being drunk enough to find no fault with that logic, leaned in and captured Owen’s lips with his own. He was surprised at how much it reminded him of kissing Jack, though Owen’s lips were much softer. Like pillows. Soft, fluffy pillows. He bit down gently on Owen’s lip, drawing a sound somewhere between a whimper and a moan. He felt Owen snake a hand behind his head to pull him closer, his fingers pulling lightly at his hair. It made Ianto feel powerful, in control, in charge.
They broke away slowly, disconcertingly dizzy, and glanced at the girls. They were staring bug-eyed and slack-jawed.
“My turn!” Ianto grinned. “Tosh! Truth or dare?”
“Er, dare?”
“Perfect. I dare you to make out with Gwen.”
“What?! What, are we twelve?” Gwen asked astonished.
Owen grinned and stuck his tongue out at her. “You started it!”
----
The Next Morning
(Ianto has entered the conversation)
(Gwen has entered the conversation)
Ianto: Good. You’re up. I take it you got home okay. Can you please explain to me why one Dr Owen Harper is currently taking up residence in my bed? Completely naked, I might add.
Gwen: Hi.
Gwen: Are you naked too?
Ianto: Not anymore. Why?
Gwen: Come out to your living room in five minutes. Tosh and I are just getting dressed and we’ll try to explain it to you if you make us some coffee first.
Ianto: What!? Please tell me there is a perfectly logical explanation for all of this.
Gwen: Five minutes. And bring some painkillers, too.
(Gwen has exited the conversation)
The End.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-01-19 04:58 am (UTC)But YES!!! lol. Ianto wanting to give Jack water... sadly, he probably did need it. lol.
Still not a smoking!Ianto supporter though.
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Date: 2011-01-19 09:31 pm (UTC)And like I told you, he can quit again when Jack comes back. :)
no subject
Date: 2011-01-19 05:02 am (UTC)Loved this.
“YAN-TOE!” Gwen cried. “You hafta! If you don’t kiss Owen, Jack won’t come back.”
Poor Yantoes, having to kiss Owen to get Jack back. But I'm sure they had fun at it. ;)
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Date: 2011-01-19 09:31 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2011-01-19 09:33 pm (UTC)like whoa
Date: 2011-01-19 12:59 pm (UTC)Re: like whoa
Date: 2011-01-19 09:35 pm (UTC):) I leave that up to your interpretation. But I think if I can successfully corrupt Button, I can get you, too. *Wicked smirk*
Re: like whoa
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Date: 2011-01-20 10:27 pm (UTC)Sooo - what's the perfectly logical explanation for this? Or any other for that matter? ...
Great story, thank you!!
no subject
Date: 2011-01-21 12:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-21 12:38 am (UTC)You're good at drunk logic... well, good at drunk Torchwood in general! Wonder why they all ended up at Ianto's. Maybe they thought it was the best way of ensuring they got good coffee the morning after.
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Date: 2011-01-21 12:54 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2011-01-29 07:46 am (UTC)“What’re you called?” she asked before the girl could escape.
“Emily,” the girl responded and walked away to get their order.
I made this embarrassing snorting/laughing sound when I read that.
no subject
Date: 2011-01-29 07:37 pm (UTC)And I'm especially glad you liked that part...it's one of my favorites. :-D