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It felt as though every loud syllable that left Jack's mouth was drilling white hot nails into his pounding skull.

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sassysailorgirl.livejournal.com

Squeezing his eyes shut, Ianto cursed himself vehemently for agreeing to go on that pub crawl with Owen.

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oddityisavirtue.livejournal.com

He'd known that there was no way in hell that he could drink he-of-the-iron-liver under the table, but did that stop him trying?

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Jack seemed relatively oblivious to his suffering (or even his presence, curled up pathetically on the couch) and Ianto didn't have enough energy to figure out what it was that had gotten him so excited.

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sassysailorgirl.livejournal.com

Ianto had, after all, discovered early on in their relationship that an overexcited Jack could only mean a handful of decidedly wicked things.

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Decidedly wicked things that he himself would normally be more than happy to engage in, were he not feeling like a severe case of death was imminent.

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sassysailorgirl.livejournal.com

As if a cartoonish light bulb had just sprang into existence above his head, Jack appeared to have suddenly realised that he was quite alone in his manic glee.

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Jack, being not the sort to enjoy solo-madness, bounded to the Ianto shaped pile of misery and quickly assessed the best way to make his prone lover join the fun.

Edited Date: 2011-02-25 04:45 am (UTC)

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"Don't, just... don't." Ianto spoke before Jack had a chance to open his mouth. "I'm dying and I'd like to do it with what little dignity I have remaining."

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oddityisavirtue.livejournal.com

"You lost your right to dignity the day you joined Three," Jack stated in a cheerful tone that Ianto decided was highly inappropriate at a death bed, "It's in the contract and everything."

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"Bollocks!" Ianto winced before his complaint left his parched throat, "I know everything, remember?"

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"Everything?" Jack frowned distractedly and poked at him, a mixture of curiosity and worry.

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"Everything," confirmed Ianto, "including the clause that states that it is expressly forbidden to torment Torchwood Three employees with screeching voices when they're dying."

Edited Date: 2011-03-02 07:51 pm (UTC)

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"You're NOT dying, you big baby," Jack chided while he poked Ianto's rump, or the lump that looked like Ianto's rump, for emphasis, "A tall glass of water and some time serving ... ehem, UNDER ... your Captain, and you'll be right as rain."

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"As a shag is likely to kill me faster, the least you can do is get me that glass of water. I'm already dying, let's not speed the process along." Ianto was aware he sounded like a whining five year old, but the headache, combined with the sour stomach and fuzzy tongue, was ruling his tongue.

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Jack had never had a hangover in his life, the wanker; how could he understand this torment?

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Jack sighed, poked the rump lump one more time just to see it wriggle, then wandered off into the kitchen to get the glass of water.

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Ianto sighed, grateful for both the promise of water and his momentary solitude, and covered his head once more.

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In the kitchen, Jack filled a glass with water from the tap and considered revealing Owen's secret stash of hangover cures to his lover.

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Deciding that a well Ianto was likely to be a lot more fun than a whiny, childlike Ianto, he wandered down to the med bay to rummage around for the best of Owen's stash.

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He attempted a level of compassion when he approached Ianto again, whispering his name softly to get his attention.

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"Ianto? Water and a little something from Owen." Handing them over to the disembodied hand that appeared out of the blanket, he waited patiently for Ianto to surface.

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"Guhgnh!" Ianto's hand closed around the proffered glass, another shot out for the promised relief. "The only thing I really want from Owen is his head, mounted on the nearest wall."

Edited Date: 2011-03-04 08:11 am (UTC)

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"Here?" Jack asked, cocking an eyebrow and looking around the room. "Not very tasteful."

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Ianto chuckled his response, nearly choking in the process. "True, nothing about Owen is tasteful," he sighed, catching Jack's tiny, triumphant grin. "WHAT is it, Jack?"

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Jack toed off his boots and crawled onto the bed, flopping down next to and half over Ianto before carding a hand through his lover's sweaty hair and pressing kiss to the back of his neck.

Edited Date: 2011-03-05 04:16 pm (UTC)

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Ianto groaned low in frustration but hesitantly snuggled into Jack anyway, muttering something about people who are too bloody enthusiastic in the morning.

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"Shhh," murmured Jack as he continued to stroke Ianto's hair. "Go back to sleep, the good news can wait."

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Ianto nodded gratefully at the suggestion and then frowned as he recalled Jack's previous exuberance. "Wait," he mumbled sleepily, "what good news?"

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Jack's grin now almost took in his ears. "Owen's going to have a baby!"

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"That's nice." Ianto was already half asleep as Jack spoke, his face buried in Jack's neck. "Wait - what? He's what? Baby? Back the fuck up, Harkness."

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Ianto had now completely given up on sleep and possibly the laws of physics. "The last THIS pickled brain recalls, Owen is quite thoroughly DEAD. Passed on. He'd be pining for the fjords if he wasn't such a wanker! What the bloody hell???"

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By now Jack was grinning like a loon. "Come on, Ianto, you've worked for Torchwood for ages, you should know by now that one doesn't have to be alive to be a carrier."

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Ianto groaned and Jack's grin widened. "Hey, cheer up! At least it's not yours!" He paused and frowned worriedly when he noticed the terror-stricken look on Ianto's face. "It's not, is it?"

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Ianto pushed off the duvet and raised himself on one elbow, ignoring the faint throbbing in his head. "How exactly did Owen get... impregnated?"

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Jack cleared his throat, swallowed down an emotion he most certainly did not wish to examine, and raised a suspicious eyebrow. "You're avoiding the question - how do you think he got pregnant?"

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"Something in the water?" Ianto suggested weakly. He quailed under Jack's pointed look. "Um... we may have snogged. A bit. We were drunk!"

Edited Date: 2011-03-08 01:45 am (UTC)

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Now both of Jack's eyebrows raised suspiciously and he tried to ignore that niggling feeling of...panic? jealousy? hurt that he wasn't invited? "You don't get pregnant that way, Ianto, so I don't see why you look so nervous."

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thebuttonontop.livejournal.com

"Because Jack... if it's something that happened last night, if it's something from the bar... then what if it got me too?" Ianto was looking down in the general area of his stomach.

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Jack poked Ianto's slightly squishy belly. "Yeah, we thought of that, and that's why you're going to need the toilet pretty soon. It attaches itself inside the colon, see?"

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A wave of nausea, sudden and imperative, rushed through Ianto; he stood quickly, attempting a run for the loo.

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