On Writing for LAS - A Rant

[sariagray]

We have a week for this challenge. ONE WEEK. And of course, I'm working insane hours, so I really only have this weekend. 

There is a process behind all of these stories that I write, more so with my other works (in which I literally just spew words and hope for the best). First, I have a knee-jerk reaction to the prompt. I read it and then the first thing that pops into my head is what I run with. It's like instinct, only not necessarily good instinct. Often, too, it's outside of the "norm" of the prompt. Because I'm Saria and Saria writes...Saria-things. So while it worked for "The Right Time To Lie," my "Valentine's Day" story was a bit - well, it wasn't hearts and flowers and puppies, was it? Not at all.

I have NOTHING against fluff, mind. I read it like a woman starved, really. I just can't write it - not the concentrated kind, anyway. I think I do romance, but it's always a double-edged sword; the romance is only there to balance the bleakness. Hell, the romance is only important because of how destitute everything is.

It doesn't help that I'm a poet by nature. I think in symbols and even my factual essays contain purposeful alliteration and figurative language. I'm not concrete and I layer meaning in a way that requires people to analyze. Everything is selected for a reason.

Newsflash to Self: Very few people want to analyze fan fiction. That's NOT why they're here.

A lot of you, those with whom I have become relatively close, seem to get it. And for that I am so thankful. But that doesn't work for something like LAS, I presume. And maybe I'm being pretentious, but that frustrates me beyond belief. 

Why?

Because this challenge, "Terrible Gift" (which I keep accidentally mentally calling "Terrible Lie." Damn you, Trent Reznor.), is not helping. I know I can't write "Jack gives Ianto an ugly tie" or even "Ianto unknowingly gives Jack something that sparks a painful memory." I've already had my knee-jerk reaction and need to see it through. And I'm so terrified (TERRIFIED!) that no one is going to understand.

In the end, it doesn't really matter that they don't. Understand, that is. Because, well, at the end of the day, I only have to be happy with myself and my quality of work. The problem is that I'm NEVER happy with what I write. I'm pleased with people's positive reactions to things (and sometimes quite surprised, truth be told), but I will never be satisfied with myself.

Ask either analineblue or thebuttonontop, both of whom have patiently listened to my vague rantings/ravings/panic attacks. Especially analineblue, for cheering me up with thoughts of magical talking goldfish. *Giggles* But anyway, that's part of the problem. I can't even rant with full disclosure because this is supposed to be a secret.

But LAS has taught me a lot and has stretched me as a writer already. I thought of skipping this round just for sheer lack of confidence, but I can't do that. I will save those skips for, you know, legitimate reasons. Not shaking in my shoes.
I just want this round to be over with. The next one will be better. Yes it will.

As for the confessional nature of this, I really believe that there should be an LAS-style reality show called "Fandom" in which a bunch of fan fiction authors are given challenges. And they all live in the same house and complain about each other. I would be the stereotypical pretentious drama queen, I think. Sadly. I would complain about how no one understands because I'm a tortured artist. Halfway through the season, I'd shave my head in protest of some unspoken affront. And I would smoke all of the time and discuss how I was writing a dissertation on "Ianto As Metaphor" or something equally ridiculous.
 
Basically, LAS leaves me with this weird feeling that I can't write and yet that I  want more than anything to prove myself (while I feel I have nothing to prove). So. Yeah. I'm just going to sit in this corner and rock back and forth.

Comments

[chamilet]

Well, so far I have a blank page and no ideas, so you're one up on me:D

[sariagray.livejournal.com]

:) The ideas, they will come! Honestly, this idea is so vague, and I don't think I hit on it correctly, so we're actually probably on the same page lol

[fiwen1010.livejournal.com]

I'm looking at the idea I have and going 'no, you're not happening. No, go away', but it won't *sighs*.

Also, I want your idea of the fandom house to be real. Clearly we all need to move to London or somewhere (probably somewhere cheaper) and live in a writer's commune. I'd be the one who lives in the kitchen and makes sure everyone eats.

[sariagray.livejournal.com]

LOL Yep. Ideas...they are persistent. And part of the problem now is that there is just no time to come up with something else. Not that I would. Because I'm stubborn. :)

I want the fandom house to be real, too. So bad. I think it would make for Great Drama. And I love it - you seem to be good with the taking care of people bit from what I've read of you (you know, that biography I picked up on Amazon? *giggle*)

[bk_forever]

If it's any consolation, I love your writing and loved your last story for LAS (and your first). I'm not voting though, simply because I don't have time to read all the stories with everything that's piled up RL-wise.

I can't write angsty stuff (except tiny little fragments amidst the fluff). Maybe I got all your fluff and you got all my angst when writing styles were being handed out!

Good luck with the next round! I look forward to reading whatever you come up with, because I know it'll be different and I do love different!

[sariagray.livejournal.com]

Thank you *hugs* It really is a consolation, though I promise that I didn't mean for this to be a "tell me you love me post." I feel bad now. lol

And I don't blame you for not voting! There are A LOT of stories and I end up taking notes and it's a lengthy process. Very lengthy.

Maybe you did get my fluff! Hehe I'm okay with that because you use it well. :)

[sassysailorgirl.livejournal.com]

I loved your last fic for the challenge & I'm sure that you'll pull off something equally fabulous this go. What I totally loved about it was that it wasn't what one would have expected from the whole Valentine's prompt. It fit, sure, but it was so out-of-the-norm. You're very gifted when it comes to words. You've nothing to ever worry about. And fic that makes you think/use your mind to analyse can be a good thing.

[sariagray.livejournal.com]

*Blush* Thank you. :)

You've nothing to ever worry about. And fic that makes you think/use your mind to analyse can be a good thing. I'm glad you think so...I love analyzing things and tend to do it with people's fics when I shouldn't. lol

I just saw your entry re: prompts. I'm going to try to think of something good. *hugs*

[analineblue.livejournal.com]

ARGH. Totally just lost my very long comment due to internet issues here. HRM. But I will attempt to recreate it, lol.

Honestly, the best fic, to me, is fic that makes me think and analyze the characters and the relationships and all of that. And with TW, just because of the subject matter, and the constant sense of DOOM pervading everything, that fic tends to be darker? And that's why I really love your writing, and your previous LAS entries. And I would honestly be really disappointed this time around if everyone wrote ugly ties and Jack remembering this one horrible time when--you know? And so really, I think you should go with your gut.

Fanfic is hard because like you said, a lot of people maybe are in it for the fluff? But I think with TW especially, there are a lot of people who get the deeper stuff too, and... Yes. I think whatever you write for this time will be absolutely great, just like the others. Really. <3 Now, if you told me "Well, I had this idea, but now I think I'm going to just go with the ugly tie" then I'd be worried? ;) But really, I think you should trust your instincts on this. <3

*hugs!*

[sariagray.livejournal.com]

I HATE losing comments.

And I know you get it, which is amazing. Because plot is...well, I'll let others handle that, you know? Since we're official Mood Advisors? ;)

I don't think everyone will write "ugly ties" and even if they do, I bet they'll do it brilliantly. And I did go with my gut. Hell, such a short time constraint, I HAD to. lol

And you're right - people do get the deeper stuff. Definitely. It isn't all fluff and bunnies, yes. I think it's the FF.net piece that's getting to me? The "OMG I LOVE JACK" comments or the "that was so sweet" comments. It's so weird.

But I digress. I must have focus and determination. Or something. :-D

Thanks for listening and encouraging and all of that. :-D I feel like such a tool now, but I also feel better. <3 *Hugs!*

[analineblue.livejournal.com]

*nods* Yeah, I didn't mean to make it seem like I thought that everyone was going to write these boring, cliched stories or anything, because I do think that the ugly tie route, in the hands of a lot of people in this fandom could (and would) be brilliant! I just meant that... I like that you take the unconventional route. And that I don't think you should second-guess that. <3

Despite the weirdness of ff.net. Which will...always be weird and perplexing, I think! ;)

(Of course this is probably a little out-dated now, as it's taken me forever to respond? ^_~ But you know what I mean. Probably. :D)

♥

[usakiwigirl.livejournal.com]

I went with my gut instinct on this one too. I knocked it out last night and then after checking this morning, sent it before I could start second guessing myself. I'm not sure it's what people think of in terms of the prompt either, but my gut said go, and I did.

You write beautiful stories, always making us think, about the words used and their deeper meanings. It's what works for you. The word limit is more of a problem, I think, than the actual content. It constrains in a way that can be detrimental to the feel of the story, especially if massive amounts of pruning are involved. I much prefer to just type until it reaches a natural conclusion - of course, then I sit back and realise I've just typed out 3000 words of nothing!

[sariagray.livejournal.com]

*Hugs* I'm sure you did fine! And that's what I should do, I think, just give it one final once-over and let it out into the world. Unfortunately, I cling. *Stares at story* It's not ready to go out into the world without me. *Sniff* It's just a baby! So many bad things could happen to it! *Smothers*

I agree with typing until natural conclusion is met. I didn't think it would be such a problem for me as my stories fall in the 500-1000 word range pretty regularly. But now that I'm told to constrain, well, I rebel. Maybe they should tell me I have to write 5k words and I'll stop before I hit 1k? ;)

And I'm glad you think it works for me! lol Because more often than not I post something and suspect the general reaction to be "Oh, look. Saria's trying to be literary again." *Giggle*

You know, though. LAS really is good for us. I mean, it certainly gets our names out there, yeah? And challenges us. And the changing time constraints, too, are actually pretty incredible when you think about it. Because there are pros and cons to a one-week time frame and a three-week time frame and people function differently with both.

And I'm rambling again. Er. Sorry about that. *Backs away slowly*

[usakiwigirl.livejournal.com]

LOL! Sorry hun, the babies are never old enough to go out in the world on their own! Beasties and ghoulies are around every corner, just waiting to gobble them up. It's hard, but at some point, you have to let them go... (are we still talking about writing?)

I pruned this one down to the wire. I used the same word-count programme that needtakehave suggests, so if all goes to plan, it's fine. But I have nothing to spare on this one! On the other side, if I did have free rein, there's no telling how long the damn thing would end up. I can spend an awful lot of time just waffling about nothing, when given the chance.

And I hate to tell you this, dear, but you ARE literary! That's what drew me to your stories in the first place. Actually, I think it was your word of the day shorts that you did. I loved the English lesson on top of the story. Made my brain work a little harder.

The time limits always changing is a good thing, I think. In the real world, if writing a story for submission, deadlines are a must. With different limits set on us, we have no choice but to knuckle down and do the work. But I do feel more stretched with this. I want to have a bit more concrit though on mine - the most I've gotten is that the italics put off one person for voting mine top last go round. I don't know how else to convey the stress, as you know I type exactly how I speak. That's the sort of thing I need to hear.

Yeah, rambling along right with you. *holds on tight*

[sariagray.livejournal.com]

Well, I was still talking about writing, anyway. lol Unless I have secret children. Which I imagine would be difficult.

Mine is...close, but not quite dangerously so. Yet. I edited while drunk, so maybe it is now (I'm a bit afraid to look). As for being literary *blushes*. I don't mind, in fact, I'm glad you think so! I just worry that people think I'm trying (and thus, failing. Rather than "Saria's being literary" or something). This makes more sense in my head, I think. I'm sleep deprived, though, so what the heck do I know? lol And I totally forgot about my drabbles! I do this often - "Oh! I wrote that! Yeah!"

Italics don't bother me at all - I guess it's a preference thing, though. I plan on taking more extensive notes this coming round (although I think the stories will be posted in the midst of celebration, so we shall see - I may just be too hung over!) But hopefully I will have something more helpful than this past week's notes which were mostly strange doodly symbols that even I can't quite decipher (though apparently, at the time, it made sense to me?)

Ramble away! Ramble on! *Is now singing Led Zeppelin*

[usakiwigirl.livejournal.com]

The notes will be the death of me. I thought I took halfway decent notes this time, but apparently not - when somebody asks for feedback and all I have written down is "well written", then I guess more attention needs to be paid!

What celebration? Am I missing something? I was off most of the weekend, migraine issues plus family crap, so did something come down the wire that I missed? D'oh - nevermind - it's your birthday. I remembered! Without even checking the notifications, huzzah!

Now I just have to organise something special for you... and cinnatart, cuz I missed hers. It's my boy's birthday this week too - good week for babies!

[sariagray.livejournal.com]

*Blush* You really don't have to organize a thing! It's not that big of a deal - I just KNOW that I will be drinking my liver to shreds if my friends have any say in the matter. :)

I'm so bad at feedback. I'll really need to pay attention this time around. *Stocks up on coffee, aspirin, and cigarettes and writes up "Do Not Disturb" sign*

[choccy-grl.livejournal.com]

Gut reaction is good. So far I've gone with my gut reaction to the prompts. Last round was slightly different because my initial story was too long and there was no way I was prepared to cut it (precious writer being precious, I guess) but when I realised I needed a second story the story I submitted was again a gut reaction (and completely different to the first one!)

I wrote this weeks story within about two hours of reading the prompt, completely gut reaction. I think it will get me kicked this week but if I try to write what I think people will want to read it will feel forced, definitely to me and surely, by extention, to the reader.

That is the problem with LAS I think, many people know what they want to read from the prompt (or are only receptive to a certain style of writing) and are drawn to those stories, voting accordingly. Luckily so far qualility writing has won out.

Now I've got a title (the one thing I was struggling with) I'm going to send it so I can't be tempted to write something more reader friendly.

Book me a place in that 'fandom' house!

[sariagray.livejournal.com]

I'm glad others (at least you!) handle this the same way I do. I can't imagine having to write another story, even in the 3 week period we had so I'm a bit in awe of you! :)

I doubt it will get you kicked out, honestly. At least for now, there is still the weeding out, I think. Then we all have to start panicking. Maybe? And honestly, I definitely think you are in the running in the long term. But that's just my opinion which I suppose doesn't matter. (Oh, if only it did!)

Best of luck this round. At least this time we won't have to wait forever, I suppose? If that's any consolation? lol

And you are so booked! I really wonder if I can sell this idea....;)

[choccy-grl.livejournal.com]

I'm not so sure but it is sent now, nothing I can do to change it even if I wanted to (which I don't).

Thanks, good luck to you too.

No, the time limit on this one is ridiculously short, whereas the last was far too long (although both stories were written and then forgotten about in the first week). If you are interested in seeing what would have been my entry I posted it today.

LOL...Dear Simon Cowell
I have an idea....

[sariagray.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you posted - I had wondered if you were intending to share or maybe waiting until next Valentine's Day. I was attempting to practice the art of patience, but I'm pleased I didn't have to!

I have to edit and send mine today or else I'm likely to go mad. I was supposed to do it last night but got distracted by Projects. (By which I mean, of course, that I used things like laundry and reorganizing all of the files on my computer as a method of procrastination!)

I may actually write that letter...hmmm. ;)

[usakiwigirl.livejournal.com]

Hey, if you write that letter - let him know one more writer is willing to be subjected to the madhouse! Not that I'd be good TV material, by any stretch. Too naive, too accepting, DON'T like confrontation. The only draw I have in a room full of American's is the accent, which is more of a hindrance than a help, most of the time!

I can see it now - this weeks challenge, write a 10,000 word fic in three days. Voiceover - "the room is still silent, save for the occassional swear word and bouts of keyboard mashing. Go about your business, we will yell when something actually happens."

[sariagray.livejournal.com]

*Falls over laughing* Can it please be Tim Gunn?

"Writers, make it work!"

*Giggles* I so want this to happen.

I also so want your accent, so hush.

This will be a brilliant show.

[usakiwigirl.livejournal.com]

Dammit woman, I can't keep up with you! you answer way quick!

My accent is an issue - I never told you the story of when I first arrived here. I lived in Charleston, SC. Went grocery shopping with a Swedish friend, same age as me (I think at that point we were both about 22), who didn't even learn English until she was 15. She had no issues being understood wherever she went, helped that she was the quintessential Scandinavian stereotype, but that's quibbling.

I couldn't find lettuce - I looked all over the produce department and just couldn't see it (new store, odd layout), so asked a young kid working there for help. He looked at me like I was speaking Martian, a blank face that never changed as I repeated the question three times. Finally, Annelie stepped up and asked the EXACT SAME QUESTION, no changes at all. He just shrugged and pointed to the correct spot, saying "it's over there". To this day, I can't believe I had to have a non-English speaking person translate for me! That's why I say I'm bilingual - English and American! Of course, to the English, I butcher their language too. Sorry mate, product of growing up isolated at the bottom of the world!

That's why I say it's a hindrance - people listen to how I'm speaking, not what I'm saying. Still. 20yrs on.

And yeah, Tim Gunn would be the perfect voice to narrate the show! The right amount of gravitas mixed in with deadpan sarcasm. There's no way in hell anybody would take us seriously after that!

[choccy-grl.livejournal.com]

LOL I get distracted by my writing and forget about doing other 'projects' - like housework!

[usakiwigirl.livejournal.com]

Have faith - with your writing, you'll go a lot further, if not all the way, than I will. Not that I'm complaining, my goal was not to be chucked out the first week, and I succeeded. Anything more is a bonus.

If others have the same gut reaction I did to this prompt, they'll hopefully look beyond the obvious and be open to any interpretation of it. My hubs was standing in the kitchen spouting off ideas for gifts, trying to be helpful, and all I could do was cringe. I think more people will look at this one abstractly (sp?) than obviously.

And that's me done for philosophy this early in the morning!

[choccy-grl.livejournal.com]

*blushes* Thank you. But I do think it is all about the individual stories, one bad or unpopular entry can easily get you kicked.

Yeah, let's hope the entries are less obvious.