Toriwood: The Musical

[sariagray]

Toriwood: The Musical
A long, long time ago (a year and a half?), I wrote an entire musical based on Little Earthquakes, Tori Amos’s debut album. It took place on a plane. It was weird. I can’t really even explain it and it was kind of crap.

This is not about that musical. This is about a musical set entirely to Tori songs, yes, but the focus is on Torchwood! (Hence the clever name). I have joked about doing this before. And while I haven’t actually done anything with the idea, I’m kinda serious now. In that I will flail about a few songs and you will all ignore me. Yes? Yes.

Brief special thanks to analineblue for listening to me occasionally squee about various Tori songs, and how they relate to various Torchwood characters. She doesn’t know I’m doing this now, but this is dedicated to her and her everlasting patience when it comes to all of my ridiculousness.

Anyway, this is not a comprehensive list, mostly because I am lazy. So feel free to add! Or debate! Or flail with me! Or…just point and laugh?


The Songs

Ianto Loves Lisa - Digital Ghost

This is pretty self-explanatory. Ianto loves Lisa. Lisa is a cyberwoman. Cue the heartache. I think this song fits perfectly, the pneumatics almost fitting exactly with the pumps on Lisa’s conversion unit. I believe that this is the song that started it all. Ianto sings this and, in this scene, is taking care of Lisa who is sleeping/comatose/clearly not awake in some way, shape, or form.

It started as a joke
Just one of my larks to see
If somehow I could reach you so
I swam into your shores
Through an open window
Only to find you all alone
Curled up with machines
Now it seems you're slipping
Out of the land of the living
Just take a closer look
Take a closer look
At what it is that's really haunting you
I have to trust you'll know
This digital ghost
But I fear there's only so much time
'Cause the you I knew is fading away
Hands lay them on my keys
Let me play you again
I am not immune to your net
Find me there in it
I won't go even if in
Your heart only beats 1s and 0s
Switch you on my friend
Pull you from that rip current
But only you can fight against this
Take a closer look
Just take a closer look
At what it is that's really haunting you
I have to trust you'll know
This digital ghost
But I fear there's only so much time
'Cause the you I knew is fading away.
Fading
Fading
Away


Jack Tells a Story - Glory of the 80’s

This song, like Jack’s tales, is absolutely ridiculous. When I first heard it, it was pretty confusing (and remained so for years). But then I listened to it in the context of “Jack” and it began to make sense. And that terrifies me a little. In this scene, they’re all in the conference room, eating pizza. And Jack is telling an outlandish tale, but also making these asides (perhaps in his head) about the Doctor. I bet you can figure out where those asides are without me telling you.

I took a taxi from LA to Venus in 1985.
I was electro-magnetically sucked back into a party going on that night.
It was the glories of the 80’s, with karma drawn up in lines,
And two Bugle Boy models saying, "Baby, it’s a freebee you sure look deprived."
I had the story of 'O' in my bucket seat in my wannabe Mustang,
Auditioning for reptiles in their Raquel Welch campaign.
It was the glories of the 80’s, you said, "I’m not afraid to die."
I said, "I don’t find that remotely funny even on this space cake high."
And then, when it all seemed clear, just then you go and-
Disappear... (disappear...) disappear...
Silicone party Barbies to the left and Joan of Arcs to the right.
No one feeling insecure we were all gorg’ and famous in our last lives.
In the glories of the 80’s, you said, "The end is nothing to fear."
I said, "Blow the end, now baby, who do I gotta shag to get outta here."
And then, when it all seemed clear, just then you go and-
Disappear... (disappear)... disappear... (disappear)...
Sure you’re out there orbiting around.
Sure you’re out there orbiting around. Wish I had you back now.
Sure you’re out there orbiting around.
Sure you’re out there orbiting around. Wish I had you back now.
I met a drag king, call Venus, she had a velvet hologram.
She said, "My husband ran off with my shaman, but they love me as I am."
In the glories of the 80’s, I may not have to die.
I’ll clone myself like that blond chick that sings Bette Davis Eyes.
And then, when it all seemed clear, just then you go and-
Sure you’re out there orbiting around. Sure you’re out there orbiting around.
Wish I had you back now. (Wish I had you back now.)
And then when it seemed clear, just then you go and,
Disappear... (disappear...) disappear... (disappear...)
I took a taxi from LA to Venus in
Nineteen eighty- nineteen eighty- nineteen eighty- 1985.


Diane’s Song - Spring Haze

This song, while technically called Diane’s Song, is really a pair of duets. Well, a quartet of solos. SO. Diane is on the airfield and Owen is…walking toward her from a distance. As is the case in Out of Time. Anyway. She starts with the first verse. The second chorus (the part about the edge and resisting) is sung by Ianto, who is in the Hub, while Jack is in his office. Ianto is looking at…more strange weather patterns? I’m not really sure. But when Diane is singing, Jack is singing the chorus, and when Ianto is singing, Owen is singing the chorus. Or something. Anyway. They all sing the “Why does it always end up like this?” part like a round? Because, well. Duh. I know this sounds complicated, but it is amazing in my head. Shut up.

Well I know it's just a spring haze
But I don't much like the look of it
And if omens are a god send like men
Breezing in
Certain these clouds go somewhere
Billowing out to somewhere
In a single engine cessna
You say we'll never make it there
So all we do is circle it
Uh oh
Let go
Off on my way
Unseen this eternal wanting
Uh oh
Way to go
So I get creamed
Waiting for Sunday to drown
Uh oh
Way to go
Waiting on Sunday Waiting on Sunday to land
Uh oh
Way to go
Waiting on Sunday
Waiting on Sunday to drown
So I know it's just a spring haze
But I don't much like the look of it
And all we do is circle it
And I found out where my edge is
And it bleeds into where you resist
And my only way, way out is to go
So far in
Billowing out to somewhere
Billowing out
Luna Riviera
Billowing out to somewhere
Uh oh
Let go
Off on my way
Unseen this eternal wanting
Let go
So if I really get creamed
Waiting for Sunday to drown
Waiting on Sunday to drown
Why does it always end up like this
Why does it always end up like this
Why does it always end up like this
Uh oh
Off on my way
Unseen this eternal wanting
Let go
Way to go
So I get creamed
Waiting on Sunday to drown
Uh oh
Waiting on
Waiting on Sunday
Waiting on Sunday to land
Uh oh
Waiting on
Waiting on Sunday
Waiting on Sunday to drown
Waiting on Sunday to
Waiting
Waiting on Sunday Waiting on Sunday to land
Uh oh
So if I really get creamed
Waiting on Sunday to drown


The Technician Tango - Bachelorette

So, yes. Tosh clearly wants Owen. I’m not sure who’s singing this song, but probably everyone as she tangos with them? Or she’s talking to herself in the third person. Which is also a strong possibility. I see her either actually tangoing or…singing while she works on some piece of tech, while watching Owen.

Bachelorette
You climb on rooftops and you
Bachelorette
You can turn dust into champagne
You even dream about his name
Bachelorette
The graves are painted painful
Bachelorette
You tried to show him that you can
But you can never rush a man
You must remember
You're a car girl you're a star girl
You are at the door
The tide will turn
There's a window
There's a window
Yeah, you climb on rooftops and you
You tried to show him that you can
But you can never rush a man
Yeah, no, say, bachelorette
The things you do girls to your bachelorettes
You thought that
You must remember
You're a car girl, you're a star girl
You are at the door
The tide will turn
There's a window
There's a window
Bachelorette
You fly alone and then you cry sometimes
There's nothing like it in the world
You'll go to Paris on your own
Oh, just bachelorette
You climb on rooftops and you
Bachelorette
You can turn dust into champagne
You even


Ianto’s Message to Captain John - Teenage Hustling

Ianto delivers an important message about Jack (mainly, "Back the fuck off, bitch") to John Hart via song. And then John and Ianto have sex. (It’s true). This…is perhaps my favorite thing in Toriwood. Because I want Ianto to call John a dirty girl. It’s hot and perfect and I would pay money for it. And this song is also just AWESOME for the scene I’m imagining (in which Ianto totally confronts John with both a gun and snazzy/sexy moves as he pushes him up against a wall). But mostly, the dirty girl piece of the song. And the subsequent sex. (Also, while the line is "all up in his face,"  I always thought it was "all up in his thighs" which I  like much better).

Side note:  I  totally have a Tori shirt that references this song. On the front, it says "I don't mind a dirty girl."  On the back, it's all binary, but in between the binary, it says " YOU ONLY SHOOT BLANKS AT YOUR COCKSURE BEST" and both front and back are spattered with suspicious white stains. I  LOVE  THIS  SHIRT).

You think you can come around here
All up in his face thighs
All up in my world
You better know you better know you better know
I'm at your door I'm at your door I'm at your door
You better know you better know you better know
I'm at your door I'm at your door I'm at your
You gotta right you gotta right to know
You gotta right you gotta right to know
Me and my Teenage Hustling
I've been workin' it
since I'z fourteen
Me and my Teenage Hustling
It's gonna save me
Save me save me save me save me save me
From your dirty dealings
You're a Dirty Girl
You're such a Dirty Girl
You better know you better know you better know
I'm at your door I'm at your door I'm at your door
You better know you better know you better know
I'm at your door I'm at your door I'm at your
Maybe the riddle of this accident
Goes back to your gossip
With a ferocious strategy
You play wounded in his cockpit
But I think that you forgot my days
Of Teenage Hustling
You better know you better know you better know
I'm at your door I'm at your door I'm at your door
You better know you better know you better know
I'm at your door I'm at your door I'm at your
You gotta right you gotta right to know
You gotta right you gotta right to know
You gotta right you gotta right to know
Me and my Teenage Hustling
I've been workin' it
Since I'z fourteen
Me and my Teenage Hustling
I've been workin' it
Since I'z fourteen
But you been skankin' around
With your talentless trash
You only shoot blanks
At your cocksure best
Me and my Teenage Hustling
Me and my Teenage Hustling
It's gonna save me
Save me save me save me save me save me
From your dirty dealings
Now I don't mind a Dirty Girl
I don't mind a Dirty Girl
You better know you better know you better know
I'm at your door I'm at your door I'm at your door
You better know you better know you better know
I'm at your door I'm at your door I'm at your door.


Gwen’s Theme - Big Wheel

This is a bit sad, because it takes place post COE, after Jack comes back. It is Gwen…singing to Jack. But aside from the timeline, it’s badass and awesome, just like Gwen. Seriously. It is extra funny because of Gwen’s Rhys-shaped connection to Harwoods. In this, Gwen is being sassy at Jack. Possibly holding Anwen. Because that’s just the way it goes.

I've been on the other side
Got my lips smacked now they're dry
Then you call me call me in
You think I am your possession
You're
Messing with a southern girl
But my recipe is on
With your
Stale bread yeah it's hot
But baby I don't need your cash
So BABY maybe I let your
Big Wheel turn my
Fantasy
Don't you throw that shade on me
I've been drinkin' down your pain
Gonna turn that whiskey into rain and
Wash it away
Wash it away
Wash it away boy
Let's go
I've been on my knees
But you're so hard
Hard to please
Did you take me take me in
So you are a superstar
Get off the cross we need the wood
Somehow you will rise
But without a tool
I know honey you're a pro
But BABY I don't need your cash
Mama got it all in hand now
Big Wheel turn my
Fantasy
Don't you throw that shade on me
I've been drinkin' down your pain
Gonna turn that whiskey into rain and
Wash it away
Wash it away
Wash it away boy
Gimme 8
Gimme 7
Gimme 6
Gimme 5 Gimme 4 Gimme 3
I. I. I am a M-I-L-F don' you forget
M-I-L-F don' you forget
M-I-L-F don' you forget
Baby I don't need your cash
So BABY maybe I let your
Big Wheel turn my
Fantasy
Don't you throw that shade on me
I've been drinkin' down your pain
Gonna turn that whiskey love into rain
Gonna turn your whiskey boy into rain and
Wash it away
Wash you away boy
Wash you down
Big Wheel


So, that’s all for now. Thoughts? Ideas? Other Tori suggestions for Toriwood? Please just…humor me? ;)

Comments

[sariagray.livejournal.com]

1) I KNOW! I was listening to it today and I just...flailed in my car in the middle of rush hour. I also shouted "TOSH!" super loudly.

2) THIS SONG is so perfect for Jack. It makes sense now. Apparently, like how two negatives equal a positive, two bizarre tales that make absolutely no sense make a logical story?

3) This may end up being a sexy ficlet someday. Or it may just be on a loop in my head for all eternity. I wish I could write sexy things. :)