This Post Has No Cohesion

[sariagray]

I hate being a woman sometimes. Seriously. 

Can we talk about my hormones for a minute? I hardly cry, as it is a sign of weakness  because I am clearly somehow broken. Just ask thebuttonontop. There are moments, yes, obviously. Generally when I'm already being highly emotional and I watch sad things.

Right now? Right now I'm LISTENING TO A SONG. No, I'm listening to a piece of orchestrated music, no words, and I'm bawling. 

(See also: I hate Torchwood and what it does to me. BALLADS OF FICTIONAL CHARACTERS SHOULD NOT MAKE ME CRY LIKE A CRAZY WOMAN. I should also not play them over and over).

In other news. 

People are exploding things outside of my house. I am pretty sure these things are fireworks of some variety, but there is no way to tell that does not involve me moving from my Sad Emo Panda Saria position. 

And, yeah, okay, I've been going back and reading through ask_aboutcoffee every night, but that is NO REASON why GDL, John Barrowman, and their fictional counterparts should continue to appear in strange, vivid dreams for the past week or so. Like last night. 

 

Let me tell you about last night.

 

Why was I in a meeting with and making coffee for Maynard, GDL, Bill Willingham (who, interestingly, was a woman), and Neil Gaiman? Well, I know I was there because we were making a multimedia comic/show/book/media form (yes - a multimedia media form) of some sort. BUT. WTF, BRAIN!? And what the HELL was the GDL kiss/hands things? "I could tilt your chin up with one hand when I kiss you, but I think it's more meaningful with two. See the difference?"!? And why was it so difficult for me to make coffee, and MOST IMPORTANTLY: Why was I in a skirt suit? I looked ridiculous, I bet.

 

What is happening in my subconscious? I would like to know! My brain should not be off writing crack!fic without my consent. Especially if it isn't going to be so kind as to write it all down for me.

 

John Barrowman is still a recurrent relative of mine, and while I'm sure he's a nice man, I don't really care much about him at all, so I'm not sure why that's happening with such frequency. The night I dream that he is my mother is the night that I stop sleeping for the rest of my life. Thank god I  love caffeine so much.

 

GDL generally appears in meeting or work-type situations. Briefly. I have fetched him coffee numerous times. I never actually bring the coffee to him, though. This must reveal strange things about my psyche (I'M SORRY I AM INADEQUATE, GDL! But I still want to edit your song lyrics!) 

 

I need to shoot these dreams IN THE FACE. Or have sex with them. Even after reading ask_captainjack, I am a little unclear. (I seriously wish I was in fandom during 2009, pre-COE. It seems like it was a good year! I always miss the fun stuff.)

In other other news: Lobster on Saturday, Filet Mignon today, whiskey and cigars tomorrow. I am pretending to be upper-class. It is a good look on me, no? (Especially as I did not pay a dime for any of it. Muahaha. Ha. Ha!)

 

Hope everyone had a lovely weekend and Happy Memorial Day, fellow Americans!  :D (I am suddenly...not emo).

 

Comments

[sassysailorgirl.livejournal.com]

It's ok, Emo!Saria. The Ballad of Ianto Jones still makes me lose it, too!

My neighbours are quiet, Gods be praised.

[sariagray.livejournal.com]

I never even listened to it before tonight, and I only saw COE once, and that was almost a year ago. It's NOT ALLOWED to make me bawl like a little child within the first ten seconds of listening. NOT ALLOWED.

Lucky! I actually love fireworks and things that sound like the world is exploding. It's their cackling/shouting/loud talk afterwards that makes me irate! lol ETA: The people do the cackling/shouting/loud talk. Generally, the fireworks don't.

[xrai-namere.livejournal.com]

Gimme five on the not crying thing. Seeing that I dropped myself on my head as a baby, the broken thing may be true in my case. I only ever cry over gay romance, fanfiction and songs. It's sad.

I wish I had your dreams. Mine are just... weird. Weird. And have absolutely no coherence or memorable characters whatsoever. Seeing as I probably won't be meeting JB or GDL any time soon, I won't mind having them in my dreams.

Happy Memorial Day to you too!

*HUGS HUGS HUGS*

[sariagray.livejournal.com]

*HUGS TIGHT!*

My dreams are the dreams of the bizarre, and possibly drugged. While they are entertaining when they do happen, they generally sound like yours, normally. I think my brain has just been overactive lately? Or fills in strange blanks. But this one was beyond weird.

You...dropped yourself on the head? I think that is absolute talent. I go through spurts. I used to cry over everything. EVERYTHING. And then I had it beaten out of me (not literally, and not by my parents, before someone complains!). And now I'm getting it back again, slowly. I bawled at the end of End of Time, too. I think that was mostly because I wanted my father to stop asking questions, and I'm not expected to answer if I'm sniffling snot into a tissue or something (or if I look like Ianto in that scene from Adam). ;) Defense Mechanism Crying!

How're you, by the way? I feel like I haven't talked to you in ages!

[beesandbrews.livejournal.com]

Pre-CoE Torchwood fandom was a wonderful, partytime place. People were SO EXCITED. There were many CAPSLOCK happenings. It was the fevered expectations of exciting adventurous massive Torchwood heroes take the day against all odds ramming headlong into CoE, that explains much of why the fandom is the way it is today.

(I still like the idea that Barrowman moonlights in people's dreams for extra cash. As for GDL, um... he's a nice guy and the probability of hanging with him again any time soon is vanishingly small so the brain tries to make up? IDK)

[sariagray.livejournal.com]

It makes sense. There was so much hope and excitement. I want to have that. *Sighs dramatically* Ah well. Someday, there will come a show and I will NOT be years behind the excited fandom stuff. I guess. ;)

He really does. He must be a wealthy man (and should share some of those profits with me!). And I've met GDL, he is rather nice, but I think it's my hope that I will someday be able to corner him and edit his lyrics having a meaningful discussion with him about theatre and writing.

Your analysis is as good as (or better than!) mine! :D

[thebuttonontop.livejournal.com]

OMG. the Ballad kills me. every fucking time. I had to take it off my work playlist, cause it would come on and i would burst into tears.
Granted... its me. lol.

and as to your dreams.... can we trade? i would love it if GDL would appear in my dreams instead of certain people.
That would make my life less confusing.

[sariagray.livejournal.com]

It...I tried to do musical analysis on it (you know me - I can't make this shit up!) I don't own it, but I have access to...YOUTUBE! Speaking of - did you see my video? Didja! Go! Look it it! It's sad, but not Jack/Ianto sad. It's Jack/Lisa sad. Which somehow...is...less tragic while being actually more tragic, technically.

I do not want dreams about your certain people. That would confuse me in a different manner. GDL dreams are really confusing, though. For me. Because of his mind control techniques, and also because I'm the Rift. ;)

[lone-star-woman.livejournal.com]

This is why I will not re-watch Day 4 or listen to the Ballad of Ianto Jones when I am being moody and shit. I cannot deal with it. Of course, the "It Gets Better" ad for Google made me weepy when I first saw it. Clearly, I am very emotional once a month. (TMI, but you wanted to talk hormones) All other days, I'm actually kind of meh.

Why won't my brain dream about GDL? I've had cameos from James Spader and Willem Defoe. Darren Criss once made an appearance, but that just made me feel old and creepy. :-(

[sariagray.livejournal.com]

Your TMI was almost my TMI until I backspaced it away. So I completely understand and will happily be TMI twins with you. (Really? Is my uterus absolutely necessary!?) I have cried at Hallmark commercials before. Yes. I am That Girl. Or I used to be. Not that That Girl, of course.

Probably because you want it to! I would happily give up my confusing GDL dreams! He doesn't do anything sexy, though. Unless you count the random hand/kiss thing. BUT. I bet if you stared at the picture below, you might have such dreams.

[oddityisavirtue.livejournal.com]

Everybody cries over 'The Ballad of Ianto Jones'. It and 'I Can Run Forever' off the OST hurt my soul.
At least your dreams are interesting? I never remember mine unless they have zombies (the last of which was extraordinarily sad). Or that one time that I filled out a questionnaire for the whole dream. *That* was exciting.

[sariagray.livejournal.com]

I need to get the OST. That...makes me sound masochistic.

My dreams are interesting...sometimes! Normally, I don't remember them (or only bits and pieces), but when I do! And...a questionnaire?! What kinda questions!?

[oddityisavirtue.livejournal.com]

I *had* the whole thing. Half of it went missing off my computer mysteriously? Most of it's tense mood music, but some of the songs are really quite lovely.

They were, on the whole, stupid and frustrating. Some were like, "If you were a fish, what would be the average amount of time you spent existing in the fourth dimension?"
Some were in Spanish? I don't speak Spanish. At all.
And it took far longer than it should for me to remember my name.

[jolinarjackson.livejournal.com]

The Ballad of Ianto Jones? I cry every single time. But then again, I cry really fast in all kinds of shows I watch.

And I understand about the dreams. I was running away from a hurricane with the Scavo family from Desperate Housewives now and again for a few nights over several months. I bought cupcakes with Captain Jack one time (and really, THAT was weird) and I have that recurring elevator dream that featured several guest appearances over the years.

[sariagray.livejournal.com]

Yes, precisely. *Sigh* Silly music, making me cry.

lol Cupcakes with Captain Jack would be an AMAZING dream. I'm glad I'm not the only one with strange dreams, too! I was starting to worry ;)